At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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