I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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