oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
