I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
