please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
