I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
