eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
