I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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