I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
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