Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
