i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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