so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
