he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
