Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
