I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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