we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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