The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
