I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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