The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
