Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
