this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
how drunk are you?
Several
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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