It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
