I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
