Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
