Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
the day after is always just damage control
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
