How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
