so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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