In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
so let's talk penis.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
