I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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