i don't like sucking hair
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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