dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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