The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
