It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
