PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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