I am full of burrito and curiosity
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
