I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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