Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
