Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Who put my cat in the fridge?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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