In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
