Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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