tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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