i can't believe i had my finger in that
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
