ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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