I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
