he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
