Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
