Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
