Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
