i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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