pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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