Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
