Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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