If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
