I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Are my feet made of real feet?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
