He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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