So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
