im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
