I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
