So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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