I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
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